a different nativity.

this was a lot of fun. I’m glad we did it.

two thousand and nine: remixed.

I received this email today.

Dear Jon -

_____ and myself have spent some time thinking of things you should add to your blog…CD’s and books are quite typical, please add some things that fit your personality better…
Top 2009:
1 – moments with your staff
2 – moments from your year
3 – best random make outs of 2009
4 – favorite new restaurants frequented
5 – best dreams (must be half good dreams and half nightmares)
6 – the first five are pretty good
7 – explanations for every time you have said “it felt right…”
8 – least favorite graduate level projects/papers
9 – top 10 lists
10 – mix CDs (can’t be your own)

thanks.

While I probably cannot respond to all of their requests, they do make an excellent point. So, with friendly advice, I present my favorites of two thousand and nine: remixed.

1. I think my favorite memory with my staff would have to be either the Club Christmas Nativity Dance from this past Sunday or the Youth Specialities Conference in LA this past fall. I think I would choose the former merely because not everyone was able to travel to California with us…oh yeah, and because we danced the nativity scene. That was fun.

2. Favorite moments of my year…indepenDANCE, seeing Adrian and Jess Ramos move to Texas, marrying off two great friends and roommates Guy and Alex, taking an Ethics class with Clint, David, Austin, and Doug – some of my first and best friends in seminary, going to lots of good concerts (the rocketboys, this will destroy you, coldplay, the fray/jacks mannequin, switchfoot, muse/u2, manchester orchestra, brand new/thrice), snowboarding all over colorado/california/wyoming, wakeboarding with stuart nix all summer, becoming a full time co-director of 5th-8th grade with one of my favorite people to do ministry with (and working with amazing people in general – shout outs to all of hppc student ministry staff), reaching new levels of friendship with one Andrew Bruder, leading students on mission trips to mississippi and galveston, studying philippians with 6th graders, sean and tristyn’s wedding, welcoming casey burgess to the annapoLOST boys, hearing I will be an uncle for the first time, being able to go home for christmas for the first time in two years, spending a week with my parents on lake michigan in the summer (a fun new tradition), learning from john hannah, getting to be involved in the lives of students and families at highland park presbyterian, doug and leigh’s wedding, continuing to do life together with ryan bowen, seeing my brother and his wife in LA a couple of times, andrew elliott showing up in a taxi and surprising everyone at indepenDANCE, meeting lots of new great people, endless pool party barbecues, karaoke-ing ‘fight for your right’ and ‘this is how we do it’ on a number of occasions, going to chicago to see an old friend (david patton) pitch for the chicago cubs, being genuinely cared for, entering a lifelong journey in editing videos, becoming a huge texas ranger fan, the incredible gauntlet andrew hudson and austin ariail made for MASKerade 2009, re-uniting with ben summers and adam hundley, summer softball, discovering texas pecan coffee, still not actually owning a bed.

3. yikes.

4. texadelphia, twisted root, deep sushi, central market cafe, goffs, taco bueno, cafe brazil, whataburger…

7. I’ve never said “it felt right…”

10. hands down: will taylor makes some of the the best mix tapes in texas.

two thousand and nine.

It’s been a good year. I’ve discovered a lot of new music and literature. I’ve also listened to a lot of old stuff and read books that have been around for centuries. So, while this list is a compilation of my favorites from 2009, not all of the art/literature was necessarily created this year. Some of it made the list because it was fresh and provocative. Others made it because it was timeless and profound. There are some things that transcend time and are incredible regardless the particular year one comes across it. Therefore, this list is my favorites of 2009. These are the things I really enjoyed this year.

I really hate prioritizing top 10 lists. As a result, the lists are in no particular order from 1-10.

favorite 10 songs from this year.

1. blood bank/bon iver

2. moksha/caspian

3. genesis/justice

4. hazy/rosi golan (featuring william fitzsimmons)

5. your love is a song/switchfoot

6. wake up/arcade fire (this will probably make this list every year)

7. 1901/phoenix

8. oh my sweet carolina/ryan adams

9. first breath after a coma/explosions in the sky

10. shake it out/manchester orchestra

favorite 10 albums from this year.

1. daisy/brand new

2. mean everything to nothing/manchester orchestra

3. hello hurricane/switchfoot

4. 20,000 ghosts/the rocketboys

5. church music/david crowder

6. ocean eyes/owl city

7. the resistance/muse

8. the four trees/caspian

9. the sparrow and the crow/william fitzsimmons

10. feed the animals/girltalk

favorite 10 books from this year:

1. a million miles in a thousand years/donald miller

2. the blue parakeet/scot mcknight

3. evangelical theology/karl barth

4. prodigal god/tim keller

5. church dogmatics vols. I.I and I.2  the doctrine of the word of god/karl barth

6. communion with god/john owen

7. revisiting relational youth ministry/andrew root

8. a testament to freedom/dietrich bonhoeffer

9. essentials of evangelical theology/donald bloesch

10. sex god/rob bell

of jedis and theologians.

I recently re-watched Star Wars II: Clone Wars. What I find intriguing in this particular Star Wars narrative is the development of Anakin Skywalker. The side plot of his character development is almost better than the story at large. The screen writers invite us to watch as he continues to develop quite well as a skilled jedi apprentice under the care of Obi Won Kenobi.  But we are also made aware of how the dark side is drawing him in through his own faculties of pride. It, as well as his forbidden relationship with Padme, will eventually lead to his jedi demise and ultimate transformation into the villain known as Darth Vader. What is unfortunately remarkable about this entire process is that Anakin is really ruined by his own pride. This is not to say there are not also external sources, namely, Palpatine, at work to influence his departure from the jedi community. However, at the end of the road, It appears it is Anakin’s own sense of entitlement and pride that brings on his ruin. He is often overstepping his bounds with Obi Won and is alway pushing the envelope with tactics and strategies.

I know this sounds extremely nerd intensive but I promise I have a point brewing.

I think often times as young theologians (seminarians – what have you) we, like Anakin, think more highly of ourselves than we ought to. We criticize our mentors and fail to take our place in the line of theological development. This is not to say that we have nothing to offer or are completely left out of the process. For those of you who know me, you know I am not saying we have nothing to offer. It is a reminder, however, that despite our own intellectual capabilities we are often devoid of wisdom. Knowledge is power and it is very easy to get drunk with it – especially at seminaries that have strict conduct codes against actually drinking the real stuff. There are far too many young theologians with an arsenal of knowledge attacking the ideas, creativity, and the interpretations of those far their superior in terms of wisdom and hours logged thinking through critical issues. Again, I am not saying we are left out of the process. I am not saying we have nothing to offer the theological community. I am simply asking for us to be careful of the Darth Vader lurking inside all of us waiting to take shape.

Also. Please no jokes about the Bible and lightsabers. Yikes.

christmas.

So the Christmas message for all people runs: You are accepted, God has not despised you, but he bears in his body all your flesh and blood. Look at the cradle! In the body of the little child, in the incarnate Son of God, your flesh, all your distress, anxiety, temptation, indeed all your sin, is borne, forgiven, and healed.

dietrichBONHOEFFER

testament to freedom, 449

make here.

The new project, Make Here, from Highland Park’s own Stanhope is by far their best effort to date. The four high school juniors have written, both musically and lyrically, an EP to be proud of. Make Here is pregnant with lyrical reflections and musical melodies far beyond what one would expect from such a young band. The album conveys a meaning that, while often times we can get caught longing for tomorrow or sometimes a completely different reality, here is where we are and here is where we must live and act. Expect to discover themes of honesty, regret, purpose, and hope  as well as explosions of sounds that will only leave you wanting to roll down your windows and drive literally nowhere. Go buy it on iTunes. It’s only $4.

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?id=334494915&s=143441

foolishness skate project.

tribulation.

My own experience is something like this. I am progressing along the path of life in my ordinary contentedly fallen and godless condition, absorbed in a merry meeting with my friends for the morrow or a bit of work that tickles my vanity today, a holiday or a new book, when suddenly a stab of abdominal pain that threatens serious disease, or a headline in the newspapers that threatens us all with destruction, sends this whole pack of cards tumbling down. At first I am overwhelmed, and all my happinesses look like broken toys. Then, slowly and reluctantly, bit by bit, I try to bring myself into the frame of mind that I should be in at all times. I remind myself that all these toys were never intended to possess my heart, that my true good is in another world and my only real treasure is Christ. And perhaps, by God’s grace, I succeed, and for a day or two become a creature consciously dependent on God and drawing its strength from the right sources. But the moment the threat is withdrawn, my whole nature leaps back to the toys: I am even anxious, God forgive me, to banish from my mind the only thing that supported me under the threat because it is now associated with the mystery of those few days. Thus the terrible necessity of tribulation is only too clear. God has had me for but forty-eight hours and then only by dint of taking everything else away from me. Let Him but sheathe that sword for a moment and I behave like a puppy when the hated bath is over – I shake myself as dry as I can and race off to reacquire my comfortable dirtiness, if not in the nearest manure heap, at least in the nearest flower bed. And that is why tribulations cannot cease until God either sees us remade or sees that our remaking is now hopeless.

csLEWIS

The Problem of Pain

fear.

Last week I went to The Rocketboys concert (their new album 20,000 Ghosts is out and is incredible).

The Rocketboys (formerly Homer Hiccolm and the Rocketboys) are near to my heart. Listening to their music ushers into my mind the memories of first moving to Texas, staying up late writing papers after working all day, sitting outside on the porch building fires, and drinking lots and lots of coffee. Actually, not much has changed in the last couple of years – but their sounds mark the beginning of a two year friendship I have with this city. They will always be one of my favorite bands, if only for the mere companionship and nostalgia they offer me.

I noticed a couple behind us at the show that simply seemed to be in their own world. When the bands were playing they had created a miniature circle pit of sorts and when they weren’t mosh pitting they were dancing to the dj’s beats. It was both refreshing and mildly terrifying. But, mostly terrifying.

I remember thinking to myself, “they aren’t even good at dancing.” As if dancing was meant to be something certain people were good at rather than an expression of personal feeling and emotion. I doubt the creators of SYTYCD would agree, but I don’t really care, some of those judges are just really mean and need to calm down and find a job actually contributing to society. oops. I digress.

So, there I was caught up in the middle of feeling weird because of their free expression while still slightly enjoying it. Well, not really enjoying it, more like the idea of it.

I started thinking about fear. I thought of the power fear really has over the human condition. It’s strength rests in it’s subtlety. We hardly know it’s there, yet it’s presence so overwhelms us so as to keep us from truly being the people we are. Or the people we actually want to become.

*Sidenote. For those of you reading this wanting to immediately encourage this notion of fear as something good because we must have the “fear of the Lord!” Stop it. You are obnoxious. I am not talking about that. What I am drawing a picture of here is really  insecurity which manifests itself as fear.*

I kept thinking how incredibly dangerous this wave of fear is. It can be devastating from two different perspectives. First, fear does not allow you to be [or become] the person you were created to be. Rather, you find yourself trapped in a narrative even you hate reading. Instead of taking risks, being vulnerable and transparent, experiencing true humility, feeling shame in sin, or truly loving another person – all things constricted by fear – one becomes isolated, proud, self-righteous, and selfish.  Second, fear does not allow you to fully accept the humanity of others, particularly those who do not experience fear at the same level you do. Fear will always feel threatened by others. When met with courage or identity, fear is immediately proven to be inauthentic. In turn inauthenticity breeds defensive and hostile natures. The vicious cycle will continue unless we can somehow grasp our identity in light of the grand creation narrative and the miracle of the incarnation.

When we let fear control our lives, our stories, we let it dictate what it means to be human and how we relate to the rest of the imago dei. It’s high time we let God whisper into our souls who we are – creatures not to be held back from fear but set free to love.

presence.

The notion of presence has kept my mind busy lately. It circulates around each part of my life. It impacts the way I relate to God, my students, my girlfriend, my best friends, my family, etc.

What does it mean to relate to a God who is wholly other, but has manifested himself present in the logos made flesh?

What impact does my mere presence have on my students?

Is there a qualitative aspect to how I am present with my girlfriend? Or does it only matter that I am with her?

Do my friends care what we are doing together, or is it simple enough that we are hanging out together?

A professor of mine recently shattered some perceptions I have carried about time vs. quality time.

He said the distinction does not exist.

Especially to kids. He said his children couldn’t distinguish between quality time and time, they simply wanted time with their father. In the same manner  his wife was not concerned with what they spent their time doing but was satisfied they were just spending it together.

I think there is some validity to his assertions. I am sure there are exceptions to the rule as there are times we remember more than others in our lifetime as being of a higher quality. However, I don’t think that fact alone presupposes the notion that all time spent must be of a certain quality to communicate the idea of a presence that makes a difference. Some of my fondest memories of childhood involve just hanging out with my dad. It’s not that we always did awesome things. I mean sometimes, he would hangout with me while I played with my army men. Actually, sometimes, he would steal my soldiers and start building a base that was by far more superior to mine. Perhaps the notion of presence in interpersonal relationships between spouses or dating relationships simply means communicating you care for one another enough to just be there.  To find time to be present in each others lives.

This is certainly true for the closest of friendships. Especially in times of suffering. The only thing I really remember experiencing, besides grief, when a dear friend of mine died were the people who were present with me. I don’t remember what they said. I just remember they were there.

I wonder what this means for how I involve myself in the lives of students. I often wonder, “what difference am I making in this student’s life by just hanging out with him/her?” Does my presence alone speak volumes of the love of Christ?

I am finding more and more that being there, being present, with people through suffering, joy, pain, heartbreak, and loss is the ultimate display of the incarnation.

John 1.14 – the word became flesh – brings hope as God breaks into our world through the person of Christ. He is the manifestation of God-with-us [presence]. As we seek to be more like him we might do well to pay attention to the kind of impact our presence alone can have on the people we love and serve.